she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
