her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My vagina just clenched in fear
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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