Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
