i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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