I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're so committed to being not committed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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