Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
