You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
