i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
