tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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