CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
