I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
