Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
