Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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