I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
