I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
dude. I can hear the air.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
