I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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