I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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