The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
