Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
