Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
