so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
