I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So much Jack, so little girl.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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