just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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