i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
