Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's Friday. Sex?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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