my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
