if only i could text you this smell
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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