I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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