eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
