I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
