the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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