Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
