while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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