$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
