I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
