this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
