can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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