Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
