remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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