i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Drunk is not a location!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
