I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
