I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
