Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
