420 ftw
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
