he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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