its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
