I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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