I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
