Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
