You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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