you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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