screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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